15 Second Review: 300

In the beginning, Gerard Butler had some small pants. He also had a cape and a spray-on beard, but the pants are more important to the story. Gerard wore his pants, and they did show off his fabulous abs. And many were terrified of Gerard's abs. Lo, Gerard did shout and stab unto those who stood before him, and all the while, Gerard continued to wear his little pants. Men were decapitated. Other men had beards. Some bearded men were decapitated. The pants withstood all. Many men screamed, and were variously injured. Gerard looked stern and continued to wear his briefs, for ensconced in his underwear was his mighty phallus. Tedium and misogyny were rife in equal measure. Occasionally there was a voice over, to make it seem as if there was a meaningful story. Nevertheless, the central theme, nay, the meaning of existence itself continued to be Gerard's pants. Amen.